Mentor Spotlight: Meet Liz Cook

Liz Cook became a Mentor in 2017 and was excited to join the Program because she has always enjoyed hearing about other’s life experiences. Liz has also volunteered with many youth non-profits over the years.

What would you like to share about your background?

I was adopted as an infant. In fact, I was born on Thanksgiving! When I was 3 days old, I was welcomed into my home on the Upper East Side of NYC. Four and a half years later my brother was born. He was not adopted.

How did your family share your adoption story with you?

My parents used the word adoption from the time I was a toddler. Whenever I was curious, they had lengthy discussions and told me as much as they knew. They were proud and thrilled with my adoption and passed those feelings on to me. When I was twelve, my parents handed me my “adoption folder”—anything they had that pertained to my adoption. They gave me ownership of my interesting beginnings.

What myths or misconceptions did you encounter as an adoptee?

I thought that I was adopted because my birth mother was an old woman with a bunch of cats. I have no idea where I got this funny story from.  Ironically, I’m highly allergic to cats! There’s a tendency in our society to sensationalize adoption. Sometimes people would ask me about my “real parents.” For the most part I learned at an early age to firmly but politely debunk the myths and misconceptions.

What has been your experience as a Mentor?

The Mentorship program has become a family to me. Everyone has a wonderful story although some stories are painful. I’ve looked at my life story and the subject of adoption differently than I did before my connection to Spence Chapin. I feel sad that some of our kids are bullied by others because they have been adopted. I think Spence-Chapin offers a safe haven for Mentees and Mentors.

What advice do you share with young adoptees in the Mentorship Program?

Being adopted is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it should be celebrated. I want the Mentees to feel pride in telling their stories and know that they are not alone in this journey. That’s what this Mentorship program allows.

Spence-Chapin’s Adoption Mentorship Program is for adopted middle and high school students. Our program empowers adoptees through friendship, building self-confidence and challenging them to discover and understand their adoption identities and experiences. To learn more about joining the Program as a Mentee or Mentor, contact us at mentorship@spence-chapin.org or sign up for our FREE Mentorship Webinar!

Full of Gratitude: National Adoption Month 2018

Every Thursday in November, in honor of Thanksgiving and National Adoption Month, we featured quotes and stories from families, friends and colleagues who have been touched by adoption to ask them the question: “What are you thankful for?”

Check out some of the answers we received this year:

Thank you to our Spence-Chapin family for celebrating with us all month long. We are so thankful for each of you.

Adoption FAQ Fridays

Each Friday during National Adoption Month we are promoting a Frequently Asked Question about options counseling and adoption The Spence-Chapin Way to help everyone better understand how options counseling, including interim care, and the adoption process works at Spence-Chapin. Read all of the questions and answers below!

Question: What is Open Adoption?

Answer: Open Adoption is having some form of communication and contact between the adoptive family and the birth family over time. Today, the majority of adoptions are done with some degree of openness, with the extent and frequency of contact varying from family to family. Open adoptions have been shown through various studies to benefit all members of the adoption triad—adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents. At Spence-Chapin, the open adoption process is led by birth parents, who can decide what kind of communication–if any–that they want to have in the future, which can include visits, letters, emails, photos, and phone calls. Spence-Chapin helps adoptive families and birth families craft an open adoption agreement, and our social workers provide counseling and guidance during the planning process, and at any time in their lifelong journeys.

Question: What is the Adoption Triad?

Answer: Adoption triad is a term used to the three groups that make up adoption: the adoptee, the birth parents, and the adoptive parents. The adoptee is the child who is being adopted. The birth parents are the biological parents of the child. The adoptive parents are the individual or couple who adopts the child. Spence-Chapin supports all members of the adoption triad through our community programming, counseling, and support groups. We believe it is important to provide a space where all members in the adoption triad can come at any point in their lives to receive guidance, advice, counseling, and community.

Question: What is Options Counseling?

Answer: Options counseling is a free service that Spence-Chapin provides to pregnant women and women who have recently given birth who are unsure about parenting. Our social workers review all options available in a safe space where women can talk about their questions and concerns and not face judgement or bias. Spence-Chapin works with local organizations to help women access resources and assistance based on their choice. Spence-Chapin will travel to meet with women seeking counseling anywhere in New Jersey and the New York City metro area (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, Bronx, Long Island, the Hudson Valley, and Westchester).

Question: What is Interim Care?

Answer: We understand that women and their partners need appropriate time and space to make a decision about the future of their family, especially after a recent birth. Placing their newborn in Interim Care allows biological parents to continue counseling to fully explore their options while knowing their baby is being cared for by a nurturing caregiver in a loving home. Birth parents retain their legal rights while the baby is in care and are encouraged to visit their baby. Our services are free for biological parents while they take the days or even a few weeks to make a decision.

Question: Why consider Adoption?

Answer:This is a very personal choice and there are many reasons people have made an adoption plan for their child. Many say it’s because they aren’t ready or able to fully parent a child at this time but want to stay connected to their child. Others say they cannot provide the special care their child will need and want to find a family who can. Others choose to make a private open adoption plan instead of involvement with the public child welfare system.

Question: Who are the Adoptive Families? How are adoptive families selected?

Answer: Spence-Chapin works hard to recruit diverse families that are hoping to adopt a child. Our waiting families vary in age, background, family structure, religion, etc. After submitting an application, each family must attend several webinars and trainings to ensure that they are ready to begin the adoption process. Spence-Chapin then conducts a home study to get to know the family and their home environment more. When a birth parent is making an adoption plan, she is presented with information and descriptions of all of our waiting families and can select a family of her choice to set up a meeting with. If all goes well at the meeting, our social workers help the birth parents and adoptive family to create an open or closed adoption plan, depending on the birth parents’ preference. Spence-Chapin works closely with the birth parents and adoptive family every step of the way to placement and continues to provide lifelong guidance and support through counseling, community programming, and support groups.

Spence-Chapin has all types of waiting families! They vary in age, background, family, structure, religion, etc. They are all eager to adopt and provide a loving family to a child. You will be able to meet and connect with the people you select. Adoptive parents registered with Spence-Chapin have been screened by our social workers and prepared for open adoption. You can also browse through profiles on our website: www.spence-chapin.org/waiting-families

Adopting LGBTQ Youth

Research has shown that LGBTQ youth are currently over-represented in the foster care system in the United States. These tweens and teens need unconditional love and permanent homes, just like all youth. Executive Director of Creating a Family, Dawn Davenport, spends some time with Mark Lacava, Spence-Chapin’s Executive Vice President, Director of Modern Family Center, discussing fostering, adopting, and raising children who identify as LGBTQ.

Listen to the expert advice and tips in the full podcast below.

Download

 

Mark Lacava has over 20 years of experience as a therapist, and has worked extensively with LGBTQ families and individuals in his career. To learn more about Mark and the counseling and support provided by Spence-Chapin, visit our Modern Family Center.

Want to hear more? Listen to Spence-Chapin’s Beth Friedberg discuss sleep issues for adopted children and many more podcasts from Creating a Family – The National Infertility & Adoption Education & Support Nonprofit.

7 Myths About Open Adoption

For prospective adoptive parents, the term “open adoption” may sound intimidating or confusing. What does an open adoption look like? How does it work? Is it really in the best interest of the child? To make open adoption more understood, we’ve compiled this list of Myths and Facts to help guide you through your adoption journey!

1.Myth: Not many people have an open adoption

Fact: Today, the vast majority of adoptions are open. In a study conducted by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, only 5 percent of respondents in a survey said that they had a closed adoption. Of course, the type of openness in adoption varies among families, can be infrequent or ongoing, and can take the form of letters, phone calls, in-person meetings—and a lot in between.

2. Myth: The relationships between adoptive parents and birth parents deteriorate in time.

Fact: The relationships between adoptive parents, birth parents, and adoptees changes over time, and tend to ebb and flow. As long as all parties remain committed to communication and are flexible, the relationships formed are life-long and rewarding.

3. Myth: Open adoption is a form of co-parenting.

Fact: In open adoption, the adoptive parents are the sole custodians and are the ones in control of their child’s welfare. The birth parents may play an active role in the child’s life, but the legal rights remain in the hands of the adoptive parents.

4. Myth: Open adoption is confusing to children.

Fact: Children are not confused by having contact with their birth family. Even at an early age, children can understand different roles and responsibilities. Further, while all members in an open adoption are shown to benefit from the relationship, it is adoptees that benefit the most over time. Some of the benefits to adoptees include coming to terms early on with the reasons for their adoption, access to information that aids in identity formation, knowledge about their own medical histories, and a better understanding of the meaning of adoption.

5. Myth: Having contact with the birth family will be an intrusion on my family.

Fact: Surveys show that families who choose to remain in contact with the birth family report higher levels of satisfaction with their adoptions. According to the Minnesota/Texas Adoption Research Project, adoptive parents in open adoptions report a stronger sense of permanence in the relationship with their child as projected into the future, and more empathy toward the birthparents and child than those in closed adoptions.

6. Myth: Being able to communicate with and see the child will be too painful for the birth parents.

Fact: Birth parents in open adoptions with ongoing contact report less grief, regret, and worry, as well as more peace of mind, than those who do not have contact, according to the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute.

7. Myth: There will be no boundaries. The birth parents will drop in whenever they want to see the child.

Fact: Through open communication, both parties should have a mutual understanding as to where those boundaries are. The way the open adoption looks is determined before placement, between the adoptive parents and birth parents (and the adoptee depending on his/her age), and is based on what is comfortable and practical for all involved. Birth parents and adoptive parents should both receive proper training and counseling on open adoption before making an open adoption agreement, to ensure that all parties have thought clearly and reflexively about what they want the relationship to look like. It is also important to work with a counselor or social worker to help craft the open adoption contract or agreement, and to have access to post-adoption services to work through any challenges or issues that may arise over time in that relationship.

Spence-Chapin encourages open adoption, which is why we are happy to answer any further questions you may have. Spence-Chapin offers individual and family counseling, open adoption support and guidance, and facilitates reunion meetings. Call us and let us know how we can support you and your family – 646-539-2167. We encourage to read this beautiful personal open adoption story.

What is a Birthland Trip and Should Your Family Do One?

A birthland trip is a trip made to an adoptee’s country of birth. A birthland trip can be made at any time in an adoptee’s life, and can be done alone, with family, or in a group. Individuals and families go on these trips for many reasons, but primarily, they serve as a way to connect an adoptee to his/her birth culture, and in so doing, engage more deeply with a part of his/her identity and past.

We spoke with Beth Friedberg, a therapist at Spence-Chapin with over 20 years of experience working with children and families, to provide some more context and advice on birthland trips.

Thinking about a birthland trip? 

If you are considering a birthland trip, we invite you to speak with one of our counselors beforehand, who can answer any questions or concerns you may have. If you would like to participate in one of our group birthland trips, you can find out more here. To read more about one family’s birthland trip experience, click here.

“People go on birthland trips for a lot of different reasons, at different ages and stages in their lives,” Beth explained. “The birthland trip is a different kind of connecting to the adoption story—it’s more tangible.”

How do you know it’s the right time for a birthland trip?

“Sometimes the birthland trip is initiated by the parents because they want very much for help their children make connections to their birth culture, foster families, or birth families,” Beth said. “Sometimes it’s propelled by the kids, who have a lot of curiosity and questions about their beginnings, and they’re asking. Usually, it’s somewhere in between.”

“In our coaching at Spence-Chapin, we try to help families realize that they will never be 100% confident with their decisions—that there will always be a certain amount of worry, fear, and concerns about how it may go. We work with families to help them decide how much concern they are willing to handle.”

In thinking about the right time, Beth advises it’s important to consider what other changes are occurring in the family system in that year. If the family has just moved, the kids have recently changed schools, or something else has happened that might make it more difficult to unpack some of the issues that can come up in a birthland trip, it might be best to wait until the next year.

Beth notes that while some children initiate the idea of a birthland trip through their curiosity and questions, others may not be interested in going at first, perhaps because of fear, or just indifference. In those cases, she suggests that parents find something that already excites their child and build on that in order to engage them in the in the prospect of a birthland trip.

“If your child loves music or pop culture, expose them to popular songs or soap operas from their birth culture. If they like cooking, or food, or history, you can share those aspects of their birth culture with them. Tap into what already has meaning for your child and build their interest and curiosity on that.”

How do you prepare for the emotional impact of a birthland trip?

“At Spence-Chapin, we provide coaching to prepare” Beth explained. “One of the main things we do in coaching for a birthland trip is to step back as a way to move into the future and explore identity. We help families go back and review the adoption process and history—to go through those photos, videos, and stories—and see how your child reacts, to gauge what he or she might be ready for.”

“It’s also important for the parents to spend time thinking about that it will be like for them to go back, and thinking through what their child might ask, and working through that with the coaching before the trip, so no one is caught off guard during the trip when it might be more challenging to handle surprises.”

“Where the real learning happens, where the family’s relationship becomes closer, is in the times that may be difficult, and working through that together. That is the way relationships grow stronger—when we show up for each other.”

Parenting Tips: Strategies That Best Support Children with ADHD

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the most common disorder affecting children, according to the American Psychiatric Association. It affects approximately 10% of children worldwide, and about 2.5% of adults. ADHD is caused by both environmental and genetic factors, and it is believed that this is why the incidence of ADHD is higher in adopted individuals than the general population.

The environmental factors contributing to ADHD include prenatal alcohol or drug exposure, prenatal maternal smoking, low birth weight and lead poisoning. Approximately 40% of children with ADHD will have a parent with ADHD, generally the father; however, not all children born to parents with ADHD will have ADHD. For children adopted from group home settings such as an orphanage, there is a greater risk of being diagnosed with ADHD.

When symptoms resembling those of ADHD are observed, it is important to speak with a professional to rule out other medical problems that may be the cause, such as hearing problems.

Remember as well that all children daydream, are over active, and have emotional outbursts from time to time. It’s part of growing up. With a child who has ADHD, these symptoms occur more often and can be harder to deal with and last longer. That is why it is so important to implement effective discipline techniques and help your child build skills to manage their behavior.

Here are 5 Tips to best support your child:

1. Give Reminders to Manage Transitions

Transitions during the day can prove to be a struggle for all children, but those that have adoption as part of their history and those with symptoms of ADHD can have a particularly challenging time.  To help children better manage the transitions during the day, remember to give reminders of upcoming transitions.  For example, “In 15 minutes we are going to put pajamas on to start getting ready for bed!” Children with ADHD can benefit from having a consistent schedule.  Remember to give fair warning when the schedule will be different.

2. Use Eye Contact

When giving directives to your child, kneel to their level, get eye contact and talk to them. Check in to make sure they are clear about what is happening next.  This ensures you have their attention and they have heard what you said.  It also helps to avoid a situation where you need to yell or raise your voice to communicate your message.

3. Acknowledge and Label Feelings

Not knowing what to do when big feelings come on can be tough for kids who will be quick to act. As a parent, you can help by teaching feelings and labeling them when you see them. Acknowledge the feeling you see in your child first, then you can work with them to address the behavior.

4. Using Time Ins (Not Time Outs)

A Time Out is when a child is told to go somewhere alone (to face a wall or go to a different room) for a period of time to cool down. Traditionally, parents are told to withhold attention from their child during the duration of the Time Out. During a TimeIn, a caregiver kindly asks a child that is going through a stressful or difficult moment to sit with him/her in order to process feelings and cool down.

Both Time Ins and Outs are used to give a child a moment away from whatever troubling situation occurred to compose themselves, reflect and prepare to re-join.  The benefits of Time Ins are that they allow the caregiver to model and coach the child through calming down.  For children who join their family through adoption, this difference is important as it does not require them to be physically (and emotionally) separated from a caregiver or re-experience feelings of loss or rejection.  For children with ADHD time ins give them the support with emotional regulation- something they often are not able to do on their own. Remember time ins are a time for quiet and calming- discussions about the misbehavior can come later when everyone is calm.

5. Take Responsibility for Mistakes

Children have their mistakes pointed out all the time.  Model for them what it looks like to take responsibility for a mistake.  Think back to those times when you didn’t handle your big feelings the way you would have liked or when transitions (getting everyone out of the house on time in the morning) made you angry or frazzled.  Give yourself a chance to do it differently the next time and give your child the opportunity too.

Spence-Chapin provides a holistic and personalized ADHD treatment plan for your child by partnering with parents, educators, school psychologists, and school counselors.  We can help transform your child’s behavior and strengthen your entire family.   Call us at 646-539-2167 or e-mail info@modernfamilycenter.org to schedule a free consultation.

Mentor Spotlight: Meet Gyulnara Barnett

Gyulnara Barnett has been connected to Spence-Chapin’s Adoption Mentorship Program for more than 10 years.  After a fantastic experience as a Mentee from 2007 to 2009, Gyulnara became a Mentor in 2017.  During a recent panel presentation at Spence-Chapin’s Adoption Fair, she shared her experience as an adoptee and a Mentor.   

What would you like to share about your background?

Although I was adopted from Russia, my entire birth family is Kazahk, so that’s my ethnic origin. I was raised in Nyack, NY and when I was 4 years old, my parents adopted a younger brother who is also from Kazakhstan. I reunited with my birth mother when I was in college. We had been writing letters back and forth to each other since I was 13, but during my junior year in college we both happened to be living in Turkey at the same time and were able to meet.

How did your family share your adoption story with you? 

My family was very open about adoption. There was never a time that I didn’t know I was adopted. Partially that was because my parents are white, and it was obvious that I didn’t look like them. We read lots of bedtime stories together about adoption when I was growing up. My parents came to do presentations to my class where I could get to talk about Russia. We also celebrated my Happy Adoption Day every year.

What myths or misconceptions did you encounter as an adoptee?

There are a lot of myths about adoption, but luckily the conversation has changed a bit since I was growing up. People are now much more open to talking about adoption. One myth is that people think I should feel lucky to have been adopted. But I feel grateful that my parents are my parents just in the same way that a non-adoptive family would feel grateful to feel supported and loved. Adoption is a process that families go through, it’s not just my own process or my brother’s. Together we’re all grateful for each other.  It’s unique in a certain sense in that we’re a non-traditional family because we’re an adoptive family. But my parents are just my parents. My brother is just my brother. Sometimes people don’t understand that just because I’m adopted doesn’t mean I have any less of a connection to my parents and family.

When did you get connected to Spence-Chapin’s Mentorship Program?

When I was around 10 or 11, my parents heard about Spence’s Mentorship program through a family friend who was also an adoptive family and connected us to Spence. They thought the Program would be a terrific opportunity for me to meet and connect with other adoptees.

What did you gain from being in the Mentorship program as a young adoptee?

It was a chance for me to meet older adoptees in their 20s, 30s, and 40s.  When I was a young child, I knew some other adoptive families, but they were all adopted children. The conversation about adoption is often focused on children, but as an adopted child it was powerful to get to know and connect with older adoptees as well as younger adoptees from a broad range of experiences. The Mentors created a safe space where everyone could connect and learn from each other while participating in fun activities such as ice skating. I was able to share my experience with other adoptees my age and gained confidence sharing my adoption story with others.

What has been your experience as a Mentor? 

I became a Mentor because I was excited to pay it forward and support middle and high school adoptees explore their adoption identity with other adoptees who share similar experiences. This Program really helps everyone to build a strong adoption community and to enrich their lives through the support and openness at Spence-Chapin. I’m very proud to be adopted. I feel lucky to know a lot of adoptive families and to be part of a beautiful community of adoptees who come from all walks of life.

What advice do you share with young adoptees in the Mentorship Program?

It’s okay to feel like you want to search for your birth parent. It’s okay to feel like you don’t fully understand where you fit within your family. It’s okay to feel a little bit different sometimes. Just knowing that these feelings are okay and normal can be supportive. Often, people think of adoption as something that happens when you’re very young. You get adopted, you’re raised with a family and then you go off to be an adult. But adoption is a journey. When I was younger, I used to wonder why I wasn’t a normal kid just like anyone else. Why did people stare at me and my brother while we’re walking with our parents? I tell Mentees in the Program that adoption is a complex journey that changes throughout your entire life. Different ages come with different exciting adventures as well as challenges.

Hear Other Mentors Share Their Experience

Spence-Chapin’s Adoption Mentorship Program is for adopted middle and high school students. Our program empowers adoptees through friendship, building self-confidence and challenging them to discover and understand their adoption identities and experiences.  To learn more about joining the Program as a Mentee or Mentor, contact Katie Rogala at KRogala@spence-chapin.org or call 646-539-2167. 

Celebrating Citizenship Day in 2018

Every year, on September 17th, the United States celebrates “Constitution Day” or “Citizenship Day.” Today, Spence-Chapin celebrates all people who are United States Citizens or who are taking steps to become U.S. Citizens – and we reflect on the many children who have gained U.S. Citizenship through intercountry adoption by U.S. Citizen Parents!

As you celebrate the day your child joined your family and think about the unique rights your child has through their U.S. Citizenship, it can be interesting to reflect on the history that has allowed for citizenship to be granted to adopted children of U.S. citizens. The United States is a country created and strengthened by its many U.S. Citizens who were born around the world. In honor of today’s holiday, we encourage you to join us in thinking about, celebrating, and learning more about the rights and responsibilities of U.S. Citizens – while also remembering and celebrating your child’s distinct background, culture and country of origin. 

Intercountry Adoption at Spence-Chapin

Spence-Chapin currently works in three countries around the world to connect families and children through inter-country adoption. All three of the countries we work in: Bulgaria, Colombia and South Africa, are signatory to, and have ratified the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption (The Hague Adoption Convention). The United States has also signed on to The Hague Adoption Convention and therefore all American parents adopting internationally will meet Hague requirements for the adoption process. The Hague Treaty is designed to ensure that international adoption is a transparent, ethical process with an established infrastructure to protect and support children and families.

Spence-Chapin’s work in Hague countries is intentional, in that the process for acquiring U.S. Citizenship for your adopted child is one that is based on full and final adoptions being completed in the convention country. When all the official adoption paperwork is complete, your child will travel back on an IR/IH-3 Visa and upon entry into the U.S., your child will be granted automatic U.S. Citizenship based on your family’s U.S. Citizenship.

Families adopting through Spence-Chapin’s international adoption programs typically receive automatic Certificates of Citizenship in the mail about 60 days after their arrival to the U.S. and can also secure U.S. Passports for their child immediately after arriving home with their adopted child.

If You Have Questions About Your Child’s Citizenship:

If you have questions about your child’s citizenship or about obtaining proof or documentation about your child’s citizenship, please contact our International Adoption Team at (212) 400-8150 or info@spence-chapin.org

The United States Department of State oversees all intercountry adoption to the United States and we encourage families to visit their website to receive the most up-to-date information regarding intercountry adoption and citizenship status.

NYC Pride March 2018: Save the Date

2018 marks the third year that Spence-Chapin staff and community will participate in the NYC Pride March! We’re thrilled to be walking in the March alongside our LGBTQ adoptees and parents, their families, and their allies again on June 24th and we invite you to join us!

Meet us on the north side of Corporal John A. Seravalli Playground on Gansevoort Street (between Hudson Street and 13th Street in the West Village).  The Pride March route has shifted this year and will begin at 7th Avenue and 14th Street; it no longer begins on 5th Avenue and 40th Street.  Please plan accordingly.

Time: We will be meeting at 1:30 PM EST

Marching contingents are given a check-in time to gather in the formation area prior to stepping off for the march. We will wait in the formation area for about 2 hours before our group officially steps off. There are multiple exit points throughout the march. Come walk with us for a few blocks or the entire route!

If you join us, we encourage you to bring food, water, sunscreen, and other necessities. There are portable relief facilities and water filling stations at several points within the formation area and along the march route.

The march typically takes 60-90 minutes to travel from formation to dispersal area (5th Avenue and 29th Street).

We are going to have a fun and rewarding day in the sun! It’s amazing to interact with spectators along the route and witness all the love and support for adoptees in the LGBTQ community.

All are invited to join so bring your closest friends and family members.

Email info@spence-chapin.org to learn more and sign up!
To contact us on the day of the event call: 917-885-1477.

South Korea Roots Family Tour FAQs

Join Spence-Chapin this summer in South Korea to deepen your connection to your child’s birth culture through sights, sounds, smells, food, and language. This two week trip is specially designed for children and young adults of Korean heritage to visit the country of their birth as part of a group of adoptive families.

  1. Who should apply for this tour?
    • Families with children and young adults of Korean heritage.
  2. How long is the tour?
    • This tour is two weeks from June 26 – July 8, 2018.
  3. What is the itinerary for this tour?
    • Families will spend several days in Seoul before traveling to the cities of Mt. Seorak, Gyeongju, Busan, and Daegu.
  4. What are the costs associated with this tour?
    • The estimated trip cost for 1 child is $3000. The estimated trip cost for an adult is $3500. These prices include ground transportation, hotel, some meals, excursions, as well as social work support throughout the trip and a dedicated group tour guide. Airfare and some meals are not included in this estimate.
  5. Where will I be staying?
    • Families will be staying in hotels for the duration of the tour. Families will stay in their own rooms, the layout of which will vary depending on family size.
  6. What opportunities are there for cultural experiences?
    • This tour will provide a wealth of cultural experiences, from historical attractions such as Gyeongbok Palace, to stunning architecture like N Seoul Tower, and other unique excursions. Our tour group will attend performances, and attend sporting events, and go to the beach.
  7. What kind of preparation and support with we have?
    • A Spence-Chapin social worker and a Social Welfare Society (SWS) staff member from the travel company will be traveling with the group for the duration of the tour. Spence-Chapin will provide an orientation prior to the departure and families who are not local to New York City can attend via video conference.
  8. Will I be able to tour Social Welfare Society (SWS)?
    • A tour of SWS is built into the itinerary. Families will be able to meet staff and learn more about the agency. During this visit, adoptees and their families will also be given the opportunity to see and review their records. Families do not need to have been adopted through Spence-Chapin or SWS to participate.
  9. Will my child be able to search for/meet their foster and/or biological family?
    • Yes! Upon request, SWS will search for your child’s foster and/or biological family. If biological family members are interested in reuniting, arrangements will be made for a meeting at the SWS offices. Spence-Chapin will also provide support and preparation for these meetings prior to departure.

Applications for 2018 trip are due March 21st. Submit your application on our website today: www.modernfamilycenter.org/birthlandtrips

If you have any questions, please contact Katie Rogala at krogala@spence-chapin.org.

South Korea Summer Internship FAQs

Through a special grant, Spence-Chapin offers a South Korean Summer Internship Program for two young adult Korean adoptees! Deepen your connection to your birth culture by traveling to South Korea. You will be able to tour and explore Seoul and care for babies in South Korea’s adoption agency, Social Welfare Society (SWS).

  1. Who should apply for the internship?
    • The South Korea Summer Internship is open to young adult Korean adoptees between the ages of 18 and 30 years old living across the United States who have been adopted through SWS.
  2. How long is this internship?
    • The internship is from May 28 – June 28, 2018.
  3. What is the interview process like?
    • Spence-Chapin will review all applications and invite several finalists to interview. Applicants who are not local to New York City can interview via video conference. From these interviews, Spence-Chapin will choose two applicants to participate in the internship.
  4. What are the duties and responsibilities of the internship?
    • The purpose of the internship is to assist in the care of babies and toddlers awaiting adoptive families through South Korea’s adoption agency, Social Welfare Society (SWS). In addition to day-to-day care, interns will accompany the children and staff on cultural and recreational outings.
  5. What are the fees?
    • Airfare, ground transportation, room and board and a stipend are included. Interns will be responsible for all other expenditures, such as souvenirs or personal travel. Interns are also expected to provide small gifts to the SWS staff as a thank-you.
  6. What opportunities are there for cultural experiences?
    • SWS plans many exciting cultural activities for interns, including a traditional Korean tea ceremony, martial arts, Nanta, cooking lessons, and tie-dyeing. Interns will also participate in trips to a green tea field, bamboo forest, nature hikes, etc. Exact experiences will vary year to year.
  7. Where else will I be traveling?
    • Interns will spend most of their time in Naju. More specifically, they will be staying in the South Jeolla Province which is a more rural section of South Korea. Interns will also spend time in Seoul. After the internship has come to an end, interns have the option to remain in Korea on their own for personal travel.
  8. What kind of support will I have while in Korea?
    • Spence-Chapin staff will be accessible to our interns via phone and e-mail throughout the internship. Interns will have an identified SWS staff member as their point of contact throughout the internship. This SWS staff member will assist with translation, navigation, and travel.
  9. Will I be reporting back to Spence-Chapin while participating in the internship?
    • You will be expected to provide periodic updates via phone or e-mail. In addition, our interns are required to keep a record of their experiences while in Korea though the format is up to you. Interns will submit a finalized version to Spence Chapin which should include pictures, descriptions of day-to-day activities, and personal reflections.
  10. Will I be able to search for/meet my foster and/or biological family?
    • Yes! Interns have the option to work with SWS to search for their foster and/or biological family. If family members are located and interested in meeting, arrangements will be made for interns to meet them at the SWS offices. Spence-Chapin will also provide support and preparation for these meetings prior to departure.

Applications for 2018 trip are due March 21st. Submit your application on our website today: www.modernfamilycenter.org/birthlandtrips

If you have any questions, please contact Katie Rogala at krogala@spence-chapin.org.

 

Parent Coaching Tips from Beth’s Corner: How to Promote Attachment

Through attachment building activities, an affectionate and emotional tie is created between parents and children. Here are some tips from one of our parent coaches, Beth Friedberg, LCSW, about how to promote attachment with your adopted child.

  1. Create a sense of safety – Let the child know that they will always be loved for who they are and not for their actions and that love has no conditions. Reassure them that they are safe.
  2. Set predictable daily routines – Clear expectations provide structure and reduce stress. Things like mealtimes and bedtimes build trust in parent-child relationships. Consistent and dependable times for a parent to meet a child’s needs is the cornerstone of the attachment process.
  3. Be in control – Children thrive when their parents provide daily routines. Chaotic and unpredictable behavior can generate anxiety, distress, and insecure attachment. Set understandable and logical limits for your child for inappropriate behaviors and develop disciplinary strategies. When a child knows that an adult is “in charge,” they are better able to attach.
  4. Play connection-building activities – Attachment play is done with the intention of connecting. It often involves laughter and can be initiated by parents or children. Teach your child a new skill, make a craft, bake the perfect cake, play a game of catch, a round of cards, hide and seek, etc. Patterned movement, mirroring activities, alternating reading aloud, trading hand massages, feeding each other, etc. are all wonderful ways to build trust, intimacy, and attachment.

Want to learn more parenting tips?

CALL US TODAY TO GET THE SUPPORT YOU NEED

646-539-2167

Expert Information: Adoption and ADHD

Research tells us that children who were adopted have a higher rate of ADHD as compared to children who were not adopted. Spence-Chapin has a long history of providing support services to the adoption community and developed an ADHD and emotional regulation treatment plan to meet the needs of children with ADHD and their families.

WHAT IS ADHD

ADHD or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a brain disorder that exhibits high levels of inattentiveness, impulsivity, hyperactivity, and emotional dysregulation in multiple settings.

TREATMENT

The affected population can improve with treatment and stable environment. Spence-Chapin’s licensed professionals use evidence based assessment tools, provide parents with behavioral management training, and offer educators child-specific classroom interventions and techniques. They provide a holistic and personalized ADHD treatment plan for every child and maximize its effectiveness by partnering with parents, teachers, school psychologists, and school counselors. Spence-Chapin can help your child develop the skills and self-esteem necessary to manage ADHD with little to no medication.

TIPS AND TOOLS FOR PARENTS

Your child can’t manage ADHD alone.

  • Get educated – learn from videos, books and articles, informative websites, and more!

Spence-Chapin’s Modern Family Center helps parents learn about ADHD and other conditions that accompany it.

  • Reward good behaviors and discourage destructive ones.
  • Make a routine and stick to it. Consistency is key.
  • Break tasks up – taking small 20-30 minute breaks during homework time can make a huge difference.
  • Prepare for the next day – ensure everything is ready to go in the morning. This will keep your family organized and on time. We’re committed to supporting and advocating for children with ADHD and their families. Watch our interactive ADHD training video to learn more.

Adoption Support

We’re a community that understands you and your family. Spence-Chapin’s Modern Family Center provides birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees a supportive community and a connection to professionals who understand the unique aspects of adoption.

Services are provided through Spence-Chapin’s Modern Family Center.

Call or email our team to learn more: 646-539-2167 and info@modernfamilycenter.org!

Post-Adoption Support (www.spence-chapin.org/community-counseling) All of Spence-Chapin’s post-adopt support services are available to the entire adoption community! Our post adoption services include:

  • Parent Coaching helps parents build confidence in their parenting style. Common themes explored: navigating open adoption, understanding adoption & identity in your family, finding the right words for tough conversations, and navigating change. Read more
  • Community Events: meet other adoptive families at monthly playgroups (Bagels & Blox), cultural events, lifebook workshops, and community celebrations! Sign up on our events calendar
  • Our Mentorship Program for adopted middle and high school students empowers adoptees through friendship, building self-confidence and challenging them to discover and understand their adoption identities and experiences. Mentors and mentees enjoy meaningful community, educational, and social outings throughout the school year. Join us next semester by downloading the free application online. Click to read FAQs
  • Mental Health Services from adoption-competent therapists. Our experienced staff of adult and child therapists help individuals, couples, and families navigate challenges, life transitions, relationships, parenting, anxiety, or depression. We specialize in adoption, anxiety, depression, ADHD, family and relationship problems, and stress. Email today to schedule a free intake call with a social worker! Financial assistance may be available to persons connected to adoption.
  • ADHD & Emotional Regulation Treatment Spence-Chapin is committed to supporting and advocating for children with ADHD and their families. Our licensed professionals use evidence based assessment tools to help children develop the skills and self-esteem necessary to manage ADHD with little to no medication. To provide the best treatment model possible, the therapists at Spence-Chapin’s Modern Family Center have developed a video to help parents better understand the signs and symptoms of ADHD in children. Read more
  • Birthland trips for adopted persons and their families to visit their birth country. Spence-Chapin provides emotional support for individuals and families preparing for a birthland trip.
  • Personal Adoption History for adoptees, birth parents, and siblings. Spence-Chapin Services to Families and Children maintains thousands of adoption records from its 109-year history. Spence-Chapin, as an authorized agency, is also the custodian of the adoption records of Louise Wise Services and Talbot Perkins. Read more 
  • Community Education provides workshops for families, parent groups, and professionals including schools, religious organizations, PTAs, camps, and community groups. Topics include: Adoption in the Schools, Common Parenting FAQs, Understanding Open Adoption, and Finding the Right Words for Tough Conversations. Read more

 Pre-Adoption Support

Consultations are available for anyone before or during their adoption process. A pre-adoption consultation is an opportunity for you to speak one-on-one with one of our skilled social workers in our office, on the phone, or through video chat. Families come in to discuss a variety of topics, including preparing for an open adoption, adopting a child of a different race, emotional support during the wait for an adoption, helping spouses who aren’t on the same page about adoption decisions, and speaking with potential birth parents. Consultations are available at any point of an adoption journey. Professional service fee: $150/session

Follow Spence-Chapin on Facebook and YouTube for updates, stories, and more!

Mentorship Program FAQs

Who are the Mentees?
Mentees are adopted middle or high school students in the tri-state who are open to receiving support and guidance from adopted adults and are able to be in a group setting and participate in structured activities. Our families join us from NYC, New Jersey, and Connecticut!

Who are the Mentors?
Our mentors are volunteers who are adopted, live in the tri-state area, and are in their twenties, thirties, and forties. All of our mentors are screened and trained by our licensed social work staff. Mentors serve as role models who can share their adoption story and experiences while encouraging mentees to ask questions, feel comfortable with their identities, and develop healthy self-esteem. Some of our mentors were mentees themselves as children.

Why would my child be interested in a Mentorship Program?
For many young adoptees, finding older adoptee role models can be challenging. While they may be surrounded by peers who were also adopted, interacting with an older adoptee might not be possible. Mentors can really provide insight and support for younger adoptees around issues of identity, navigating different types of conversations that might come up in high school or college, or just being a teenager in general. They are able to speak and listen to mentees from a place of understanding.

Are mentors assigned to a child one-to-one? Do they meet individually?
Mentors and Mentees interact at scheduled events and go on community outings as a group. Whereas in some years we designate Mentors to individual Mentees, we have also interacted in group settings without a one-on-one assignment. The program structure varies each year depending on enrollment.

What if my child doesn’t want to participate?
It’s OK for Mentees to feel a bit hesitant about participating at first.  Many of our mentees who are unsure about joining the program at first end up really enjoying the experience after just a few outings. However, the children who are most successful in the program are enthusiastic and want to participate.  They are ready to engage in these adoption conversations.  We make sure that conversations take place in a number of ways so that each Mentee can feel comfortable.

How often does the Mentorship Program meet?
One Saturday a month, our Mentors and Mentees enjoy community, educational and social outings. We provide an inclusive and safe space to discuss birth families, identity, relationships, and more. There are two semesters for the Mentorship Program: Fall (September – January) and Spring (February – June). Families enrolled in the Mentorship Program will receive a schedule of events in advance of the semester. The time frame of events varies depending on the activity, but generally ranges from 2-4 hours, usually beginning around noon.

What types of programs/activities do participants of the Mentorship Program engage in?
Past outings have included trips to the zoo, bowling, classes on pasta making, fencing, painting, and more. Some events take place at Spence-Chapin’s office in Manhattan while others take place off-site throughout New York City. Two of each semester’s monthly meetings will be Adoption Days, where the agenda will be adoption-focused and encourage relevant discussion and reflection. Adoption Days also include programming for parents related to parenting adopted teens.

Hear from our current mentors to learn more:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KleTAaeSYR4&feature=youtu.be

Learn more about the Mentorship Program.

Questions?
Email mentorshiip@spence-chapin.org or call 646-539-2167 to learn more!

NYC Pride March: Save the Date

Last year Spence-Chapin staff and community participated in the NYC Pride March for the first time and had a memorable experience! We’re thrilled to be walking in the March alongside LGBTQ parents, their families, and their allies again on June 25th and we invite you to join us! 

  1. There are multiple exit points throughout the march. Come walk with us for a few blocks or the entire route! We will be meeting at 11:30AM at 120 Park Avenue – NW corner of 41stSt.
  2. Marching contingents are given check-in and step-off times. We will wait in the formation area near Grand Central Station for about 2 hours before our group officially enters the march. Our estimated step-off time is 2:00PM. If you join us, we encourage you to bring food, water, sunscreen, and other necessities. There are portable relief facilities and water filling stations at several points within the formation area.
  3. We are located in the front of the middle section of the March. This means less time waiting in the formation area.
  4. The march typically takes 60-90 minutes to travel from formation to dispersal area (near Stonewall Inn).
  5. We are going to have a fun and rewarding day in the sun! It’s amazing to hear from spectators along the route about how they are connected to the adoption community.
  6. All are invited to join us as we celebrate the LGBTQ community so bring your closest friends and family members. Email jornstein@spence-chapin.org to learn more and sign up!

To contact us on the day of the event call: 917-885-1477

Preschoolers and ADHD

ADHD is defined by impairing levels of inattention, disorganization, and/or hyperactivity. Children as young as age 4 can be diagnosed with ADHD. Children are meeting huge developmental milestones physically, cognitively, and emotionally at this age. They are constantly learning new skills and absorbing everything around them. At the same time, preschoolers can sometimes be defiant and unpredictable and many of them act out their emotions in aggressive ways. They are verbal and opinionated people so, how do we know if our child is exhibiting typical preschooler behavior or showing early signs of ADHD?

Does your child:
• Have a hard time starting projects such as homework?
• Fidget or squirm when seated?
• Have a hard time following directions?
• Interrupt or intrude on others?
• Forget things or daily tasks?
• Have difficulty keeping materials and belongings in order?
• Become easily distracted
• Have difficulty working or playing quietly?
• Have frequent tantrums?

All of these behaviors can make life at home chaotic and disorganized and affect your child’s academic achievement and social development. Spence-Chapin’s licensed professionals can provide parents with behavioral management tips and techniques to improve your child’s self-esteem and ADHD symptoms as well as decrease parental stress.
CALL TODAY TO SCHEDULE YOUR FREE CONSULTATION
646-539-2167
Link: http://www.modernfamilycenter.org/counseling/

4 Ways to Celebrate Lunar New Year!

Lunar New Year is one of the most important holidays for Chinese families and is also celebrated by other East Asian countries like Korea, Vietnam, Thailand, and Japan. This year is the 25th anniversary of Spence-Chapin’s China international adoption program and over 40 years of international adoption. Lunar New Year is a chance to wish family and friends a lucky and prosperous new year. Here are some ways you can celebrate the year of the Rooster:

Enjoy Time with Family
Holidays are a great way to get together with family. New Year’s Eve dinner is called “reunion dinner” and is believed to be the most important meal of the year. Yum!

Decorate
Red is the main color of Lunar New Year and is believed to be lucky. Bring your family good fortune by filling your home with red décor.

Attend a Cultural Event
Festivals, parades, and fairs are arranged in many cities and towns both nationally and internationally. At these events, families can see traditional dragon dances and other performances. Organizers might even hand out traditional Chinese products and snacks. Check out what’s happening in NYC on Lunar New Year: http://betterchinatown.com/upcoming-events/

Eat Lucky Foods
Certain foods bring symbolic meaning. The Chinese word for fish sounds like the word for surplus. It is believed that eating fish will bring a lucrative new year.

We hope that you and your family have a happy and healthy 2017 and we wish all of our families that celebrate Lunar New Year Gong Xi Fa Cai/Saehae Bok Mani Badeuseyo!

To learn more about our post-adoption services for adoptive families and adoptees, visit our website: www.modernfamilycenter.org/adoption-support.

Share Your Story: Birth Parent Perspectives

Listen to Aline, Latoya, Mariah, Melissa, and Scott share their stories about making a plan for their child with the support of Spence-Chapin.

Spence-Chapin provides free, confidential, and unbiased options counseling for pregnant women & biological parents.

Aline’s Story: Birth Parent Perspectives – Watch Aline talk about the comfort she received from her Interim Care Provider.

 

Latoya’s Story: Birth Parent Perspectives – Watch Latoya talk about finding post-adoption support from Spence-Chapin.

 

Mariah’s Story: Birth Parent Perspectives – Watch Mariah talk about why she chose open adoption.

 

Melissa’s Story: Birth Parent Perspectives – Watch Melissa tell her story about how Spence-Chapin helped her through a difficult time.

 

Scott’s Story – Watch Scott tell his family’s story about how Spence-Chapin helped them find hope.

Biological Parent

Call us 24/7 at 1-800-321-LOVE. Contact the writer Lucy Shaw at lshaw@spence-chapin.org.